10 Skills Every Husband Needs to Learn To Build A Thriving Marriage

Marriage is an incredibly beautiful and incredibly challenging relationship. Often times there are skills we need to learn to help our marriages flourish. In years of counseling couples, here are 10 I have found important for husbands to learn. 1. Leave your father and mother. Genesis 2 points to one of the foundational acts of marriage being leaving. In Hebrew, leave means ‘forsake dependence upon’. What area/s do you need to forsake dependence upon father and mother in order to build this new relationship?

2. Be fully joined to her in a way that you are ‘naked and unashamed’. Genesis 2 also says that after leaving, we are to be joined to our wife and that the result is being naked and unashamed. The Hebrew word used here means ‘to be glued to’ our wife, and speaks of our sexual relationship. We don't learn how to do this from junior high locker rooms or from movies and magazines. Those viewpoints of sex are about self-gratification, not self-giving. What is the status of your sexual relationship and what is your plan to build this area of your marriage?

3. Reject Passive Leadership:  In Genesis 3, Adam famously abdicated his opportunity to speak up at a critical juncture in human history; the ramifications have been tragic. Tragically, the sin of Adam continues to be a challenge for many husbands - let’s buck the trend. This doesn't mean heavy-handed, dominant leadership, but it also doesn't mean the passive, checked-out type of leadership we so often succumb to. We must learn how to lead like Jesus, in a way of humility, service, sacrifice and vision- in a way that creates an environment for others to thrive.

Want help building a great marriage? Download our free Build A Great Marriage Training Course here.

4. Learn To Plan: We must learn to develop an overall plan for life and marriage. Good relationships do not happen over the long haul by accident. They are intentionally cultivated. Here is a good tool to help plan with purpose.  Here is a resource on how to have a planning retreat with your spouse.

5. Learn to Cherish Her - use words to honor her internal and external beauty. Women are auditory - often than men - hearing you say words that communicate honor makes your wife feel cherished.

6. Learn to Refresh-  Watching her energy gauges & learn how she needs to be refreshed body, soul and spirit; be proactive in looking for ways for her to be regularly renewed and refreshed

7. Nourish her - hold her hand regularly; hold her heart in prayer regularly. Women are kinesthetic - this means they are nourished by healthy and loving touch. Their spirit is nourished by prayer - prayer for her and with her; nourish your wives in these simple ways.

8. Learn How to Deal With Money. Learn the skills to alleviate financial pressure and lead the way in financial generosity. Be thoughtful about her concerns regarding your family's financial present and future by being fiscally responsible and by anticipating needs and addressing any financial concerns. Additionally, lead the way in being a financially generous couple.

9. Learn to Build & Guard Trust. Do not violate her trust; work with immediacy to re-build her trust when it is broken. This is a boundary issue. Dependent on Gods grace, do everything possible to stay within the boundaries of trust. This is a great book on what builds trust. 

10. Learn How to Have Healthy Conflict: Take initiative to humbly address interpersonal conflict between you and her, and between you/her and others. Don't make tour wife be the main partner to bring up issues - be an initiative taker related to conflict.

For more marriage resources: Receive once a week Short Marriage Strengthening Thoughts, download the e-book "Re-Buildling Your Sexual House" and listen to Jordan and Christy's podcast.

Want help building a great marriage? Download our free Build A Great Marriage Training Course here.